The Ladies Man Reads the Classics - THE SUN ALSO RISES

Hello, it is I, Leon Phelps, The Ladies Man.  The Ladies Man occasionally takes a break from making love to beautiful, hot women and settles down with a glass of Courvoisier and a good book.

This week, I have been reading The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway.  Let me summarize this review by saying that this is some warped, fucked up shit!

It's the story of a guy named Jake Barnes that got his dick shot off in the war.  Jake has the hots for Lady Brett who's a nympho and got to have a dick up her ass all the time.  I know that this is a timeless classic and everything.  Who knew that they had great works of literature about a guy with no dick in love with a nympho?  Old Hemingway must of had a really dirty mind to come up with this shit.   Hemingway pretended that he came up with the title The Sun Also Rises from quoting the Bible and that it was all literary and stuff.  It ain't true.  What it really means is that the sun comes up in the morning but Jake's penis don't.

So Jake got his dick shot off in the war.  Lady Brett is a nympho and got to have a dick up her ass all the time.  Then there's this little wimp named Cohn.  Cohn is a wimp in every way except that he was a boxing champion in college.  So Cohn is a wimp who can beat yo ass.

Cohn is totally pussy whipped.  He gets tired of his wife, but before he can leave her, she leaves him for a minature portrait painter.  There's probably some symbolism there about the size of Cohn's manhood - but I digress.  Then he moves in with Frances who he promises to marry but then backs out when he publishes a novel and starts having young chicks hit on him.  Frances totally cusses Cohn out in some cafe in Paris in front of Jake.  Any red blooded American guy would have beat her ass the way she talks to him, but he takes it.

So Lady Brett feels sorry for Cohn and carries him off to the beach in Spain and gives him some pussy.  You would have thought that would make Cohn happy, but it makes him miserable, cause he wants to marry her and stuff and she goes back to her fiance, Mike, who's a broke alcoholic.

In the meantime, Jake and his buddy Bill go fishing.  Even though he ain't got no dick, Jake is a real man.  He likes to fish and watch bull fights.  Not like that wimpy Robert Cohn who gets it all the time from all kind of women but is a wimp.  Except when he gets pissed and starts beating people's ass with all his training as the Princeton University boxing champion.

After going fishing, they all meet in Pamplona, Spain to get chased through the streets by the bulls.   Who the fuck is stupid enough to go get chased by a herd of pissed off bulls for fun?  Apparently this is some kind of fucked up Catholic shit they do in Spain.  But anyway, some mutha fucker gets gored by the bull and killed and then they all go have a good time watching the bull fights.

Lady Brett, who it says is 34, is bored with all the English and American guys her own age that she's fucking.  So she wants Jake to pimp her out to the hot 19 year old bull fighter, Pedro.  Since he ain't got no dick, and has nothing else to do, he does it.  Even though Jake promised Montoya, the dude that owns the hotel, that he'll help keep Pedro from letting his fame go to his head and getting all fucked up on booze and chicks.

Lady Brett runs off to Madrid with Pedro after the bull fights.  Pedro tells her that if she wants to be his bitch, she got to grow her hair out long and get rid of that whole flapper thing.  Lady Brett gets all ashamed that she's a cougar and breaks up with Pedro.  Then she's stranded in some third rate hotel in Madrid with no money.  Who's she call - her little Platonic friend with no dick - Jake.  And he comes running.  The novel ends with Brett going back to her drunk ass fiance and telling Jake that it's a shame that he ain't got no dick cause they could have done some really good fucking.  The End.

Contrary to Popular Belief, Sex was not invented in 1968. 

Yeah.  This pile of garbage is the great classic of modern literature?  This shit sounds like the plot of a bad Lifetime movie.

And another thing, this is some really racist shit.  They talk bad about Cohn being Jewish.  And just keep on talking about it - like being Jewish was some kind of disease.  That's really fucked up considering what Hitler was going to do the Jews in just a few short years.

And blacks.  How about this shit:

"Finally we went up to Montmartre.  Inside Zelli's it was crowded, smoky and noisy. The music hit you as you went in.  Brett and I danced.  I was so crowded we could barely move.  The nigger drummer waved at Brett.  We were caught in the jam, dancing in one place in front of him.
"Hahre you?"
"Great"
"Thaats good."
He was all teeth and lips.
"He's a great friend of mine," Brett said. "Damn good drummer."

And Hemingway hates fags even worse than Jews and Blacks:

"I was very angry.  Somehow they always made me angry.  I know they are supposed to be amusing, and you should be tolerant, but I wanted to swing on one, any one, anything to shatter that superior, simpering composure."

This book is some racist, homophobic, freaky, fucked up shit.  If you can write some shit like this and have everybody say that you're the greatest writer since Shakespeare and be taught in school and stuff, then you are truly great.  The Ladies Man raises his glass of Courvoisier to the great Ernest Hemingway and his classic, The Sun Also Rises.

  

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Deported Women of the SS Trailer GRINDHOUSEFLIX COM

Chuck Reviews Deported Women Of The SS Special Section in 3 Minutes or Less

DEPORTED WOMEN OF THE SS SPECIAL SECTION (1976)

This Nazisploitation classic released in 1976 was directed by Rino de Silvestro and stars exploitation film legend John Steiner as the sadistic camp warden torturing bevies of beautiful naked women for the glory of the Third Reich.

The blog Oh, The Horror gives a pretty good summary of what there is of a plot:  "Its loose plot revolves around a group of women shipped off to a Nazi death camp, where they're humiliated and forced to serve as field whores.  Depraved commander Erner (John Steiner) lords over the camp with the help of various wicked wardens, all of whom sexually degrade and torment the captives."

To get the idea what kind of movie this is, one of the longest sequences is at the beginning, when after arriving at the camp we get several good close ups of the prisoners' pubic hair being shaved.  As Oh, The Horror notes: "If the films aspirations weren't already apparent here, just know that it actually has no ramifications on the movie at all - none of the women appear to be shorn at any later point in the film."

All the usual conventions of the "Women in Prison Movie" are here.  We got lots of sadistic lesbian guards.  And we've got the obligatory shower scene with lots of soapy naked girls.  (I guess since this is a concentration camp for whores to please the soldiers of the Third Reich you got to keep 'em clean!),

This movie was actually banned in Great Britain because of a scene near the end when the heroine gets her revenge on the camp warden by putting razor blades up her vagina before he has his date night with her!

The funniest thing was not the movie but the special features on the DVD I watched that had an interview with the director Rino de Silvestro where he, with a straight face, maintained that this was a serious film!  The interview with John Steiner was also a lot of fun.  When asked about Deported Women of the SS Special Section, Steiner laughed and said "What a piece of trash!"   The DVD from Intervision also contained a history of the Sadiconazista genre with German film historian Dr. Marcus Stiglegger (the lecture from Dr. Stiglegger may have been better than the movie to tell the truth!)

This was a pretty good piece of Euro Trash.  There's lots of pretty good looking naked women in it. Those fetish aficionados who get off on watching Nazis torture beautiful women, won't be disappointed.

Dirty! Dirty! Dirty!

I just finished reading Mike Edison's very entertaining history of "the four horsemen" of pornography: Playboy, Penthouse, Screw and Hustler.  As well as being a joint biography of Hugh Hefner, Bob Guccione, Al Goldstein and Larry Flynt, the book is also a cultural history of seedier side of culture in the United States from the founding of Playboy in 1953 until today.

Edison is the former publisher of High Times and editor in chief of Screw magazine.  Edison's opinionated and foul mouthed tome is highly enjoyable.  Who knew that there was so much to know about titty magazines?

Four a full review, I can't do better than this from Kirkus Review.  Highly recommended.

Hef in his heyday with main girlfriend Barbi Benton.

According to Edison, Hef was an ambitious nerd who got lucky

and was in the right place at the right time.

Hef was always selling a lifestyle and not just a titty magazine.

The "Playboy Philosophy" is basically that every guy can be well dressed,

have expensive toys, be an intellectual and still get laid at the same time.

These days the 85 year old Hef has to take lots of Viagra

and have gay porn playing in the background to be able to 

service his "girls next door".

Bob Guccione originally wanted to be a Catholic Priest!

Guccione thought that everything he did was art.

After losing millions of dollars on the movie Caligula and

losing millions more unsuccessfully trying to build a casino in Atlantic City,

Guccione died penniless in 2010.

The heyday of Penthouse was the 1970s and 80s.

At one time, Penthouse was fresh and daring and made Playboy look like what it was: 

your Dad's magazine

Screw magazine publisher Al Goldstein was a multi-millionaire, and owned a mansion in Florida.   Unwilling to expand into video and the internet, he died penniless in a nursing home.

In the good old days before the internet, Screw was hardcore and politically incorrect.

Champion of the First Amendment.  The guy who cussed out the Supreme Court to their faces.  Shot and paralyzed by a guy mad because Flynt published pictures of a black man with a white woman in Hustler, Flynt is sort of a martyr to the First Amendment.

By far the most successful pornographer of all time,  by going with the times and expanding into video and the internet, Flynt currently has a net worth of around 

$400 million.

Flynt admits he's a pornographer, unlike Hef the sophisticated gentleman and Guccione the artist. Between hardcore porn, the pages of Hustler contained hard hitting social and political commentary.

SALON KITTY

As I mentioned in my post on The Last Orgy of the Gestapo, earlier this week I watched Tinto Brass's 1976 Nazi sexploitation classic Salon Kitty.  Like I mentioned in the earlier post, I didn't like it as well as the true sleazy exploitation film.

I'm not sure exactly why.  This movie has truly disgusting elements like scenes of hogs being slaughtered and gorgeous women having to make love to dwarves, hunchbacks and other beautiful women.  As evidenced by the excellent review by Ken Anderson on the blog Dreams Are What Le Cinema Is For which I posted a link to earlier, the gay guys apparently love this movie for all the over the top Nazi fetish costumes and lots of naked men, but it just didn't do much for me.

The recruits get ready to do their duty for the Fuhrer and Fatherland!

Granted, actress Teresa Ann Savoy looks real good naked and we get to see a whole lot of her that way, but for some reason the movie just falls flat for me.  But I liked the really awful Last Orgy of the Gestapo, go figure?

Teresa Ann Savoy in the "costume" she gets to wear for most of the film!

This movie is very loosely based on a real incident where the SS took over a high class brothel in Berlin, made all the whores SS agents, and then bugged the rooms and recorded the pillow talk of high ranking Nazis.  The real historical situation seems a lot more interesting than the fictional version in this movie.

I think my real problem with Salon Kitty is that it's trying too hard to be a respectable movie, rather than coming right out and going for the exploitation.   You got fabulous costumes and fancy sets and they even make an effort at having a high brow plot with political and social comment.  Last Orgy of the Gestapo was pretty much an exploitation picture from the first frame to the last.  I guess I just like my sleazy trash served up as sleazy trash and not masquerading as art.

Really? A skin tight suit with SS runes and a swastika broach! 

All the well dress Nazis have one this year!

LAST ORGY OF THE GESTAPO

Yesterday afternoon I watched the notorious 1977 Italian made Nazi sexploitation movie L’ultima Orgia del III Reich (which makes more sense than the American title “The Last Orgy of the Gestapo”).   This movie is so notorious that it was actually banned in Great Britain. 

Lisa Cohen (Daniela Poggi) and other Sex Slaves

This movie has everything you’d expect in a good Nazisploitation movie: concentration camp sex slaves, sadism, bondage, murder and cannibalism. 

Lisa and the Commandante get it on!

Seeking to exploit the art house success The Night Porter which had come out in 1975, this movie involves a special camp where attractive Jewish women have been sent to pleasure the German troops until they die.  As Commandante Conrad Von Starke tells the troops who have been assigned there on leave,  “You can use them in any way you want but they must suffer pain.”  So we got a bunch of gorgeous women, made up and prettied up as high class whores, but the soldiers of the Third Reich can only enjoy their favors if they are sadistic bastards who beat them up while screwing them.  Sounds like fun don’t it? Not. I think I’d have to say, “Mein Fuhrer can I please be sent to Paris to a regular whorehouse where I get to have fun and don’t have to rape the women?”   I would probably have been shot.

Ok, so we got a sex slave brothel where they’re gonna work the girls to death pleasuring the soldiers of the Third Reich.  When the beautiful prisoner Lisa Cohen (Daniela Poggi) can’t be broken by Commandante Von Starke or his dominatrix second in command, Von Starke gets the hots for her.  Originally desiring death because she thinks that she revealed her family’s hiding place to the Germans, Lisa shows no fear when Conrad (1) threatens to shoot her, (2) hangs her upside down and threatens to lower her into a pit of starving rats who will knaw her flesh off, (3) hangs her upside down and makes her watch another prisoner being lowered into a vat of acid.  Finally, after a sympathetic camp doctor convinces her that she’s not responsible for the death of her family and screws her, Lisa decides she wants to live. 

After deciding to live, when Von Starke threatens to shoot Lisa the next time, she kneels down and begins performing fellatio on the barrel of his pistol. (What self-respecting Nazi couldn’t love that ?!) After that the Commandante is in love with Lisa, moves her into his quarters and gives her special treatment.  Lisa turns a little Nazi herself and pushes a fellow prisoner out of her way to be shot.  When the Commandante’s dominatrix second in command is jealous and demands that he kills Lisa, Von Starke strangles her in a bathtub.  With the dead Nazi woman dead in the bathtub, Lisa comes in and tells Von Starke that she’s pregnant.

Why they wouldn’t just give her an abortion, I don’t know, but Lisa carries the baby to term and Lisa and Von Starke's son is born alive.  Right after the birth, Von Starke takes the baby away from Lisa and gives it to a soldier to be shot.   He explains that there will be one less Jew.

When the movie opens, it is after the war and we learn that Von Starke was tried for war crimes by the Allies and has served time in prison.   He was apparently spared execution based upon the testimony of Lisa.  Lisa has arranged to meet Conrad at the former site of the camp.   The movie is then told as a flashback.   Lisa gives Conrad one last sympathy fuck for old times sake and then shoots him for killing her baby.

Conrad and Lisa meet after the war

I actually enjoyed watching The Last Orgy of the Gestapo and, quite frankly, I enjoyed it a lot more than the much better made Salon Kitty which I also watched last week.   What kind of a sick bastard does that make me?  The notorious dinner scene which got the movie banned in the U.K. was, quite frankly, totally ridiculous.  The Nazis give a big dinner party (complete with Jewish whores scattered around the room to serve them).  The Nazi big shot scientist wants to establish Jew farms to harvest Jews for food like pigs (!).  He then announces that the meal coming up is meat from Jewish babies.  The Nazis then settle down for their meal of broiled Jew baby. (!)  When one of the prisoner whores passes out, they strip her down, pour Jew baby meat and liquor all over her and set fire to her.  Quite honestly, it was about the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen. 

The Nazi Dominatrix!

I guess I wasn’t shocked, because I had read so much about this movie on the internet that when I actually saw it, it was kind of a let down.  But part of what kept me watching is that Daniela Poggi is real, real good looking naked and you get to see a whole lot of her (even if she is hanging upside down!).   Unless you’re just into Nazisploitation and BDSM I don’t really recommend this movie.  But if you want to see a really good looking girl perform fellatio on a Ruger this is your movie.

Daniella Poggi is real easy on the eyes!